


Sleep First, Then Dream,    Kyoya   || OHSHC

by Memento__Mori



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: A/U, Alienation, Alternate Ending, Angst, Body is the poem, Control, Damaged Kyoya Ootori, Depression, Freedom, Friends Don’t Let Friends Write Poetry, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Loss, Loss of Identity, M/M, Mental Health Awareness Month, Other, Peace, Pining, Poetry, Requiem, Shadow - Freeform, Submission, Summary is the intro, Threnody - Freeform, Trigger Warnings See Tags, Unhappy Ending, ghost - Freeform, heavy is the head that wears the crown, no beta we die like men, read the tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:26:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23210941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Memento__Mori/pseuds/Memento__Mori
Summary: His room was too tidy, even by Kyoya’s standards.Every book perfectly placed, no discarded clothes, no stray paper except one on his bed.On his desk was a thick manila envelope addressed to Takashi Morinozuka, and a small white envelope simply addressed to The Host Club, Music Room 3, Ouran Academy. The two were arranged in painfully accurate alignment, as if set in place using a T-square. They were impossible to miss.He lay flat on his back, arms to his sides, clad in supple black designer pajamas, beneath very a tightly tucked duvet. Pale at the best of times, the bright early morning sun only accentuated the contrast between skin and his jet black hair. His hair was the only unruly note to the scene. Mussed gently, lightly lying around his face, soft wisps escaped across his sharp features.Despite his controlled position, he looked relaxed, younger.For a moment, the sunlight caught his carefully folded glasses on the nightstand. They reflected an almost blinding white. It promised to be a beautiful Spring day.
Relationships: Ootori Kyouya/Suoh Tamaki
Comments: 5
Kudos: 34





	Sleep First, Then Dream,    Kyoya   || OHSHC

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings: self harm, depression, suicide, alienation, the works. _This is an alternate universe to the one in the **Mori Writes / Poetry and Plots** series, though it shares Mori’s poetry. _
> 
> Read the tags, please.  
> Thank you for reading and sharing your responses.

## Sleep First, Then Dream

### In Kyoya’s handwriting

Glancing back  
I puzzle it through

Was my virtue, my value to him  
Only convenience 

Or perhaps  
Duty construed as kindness

The first courtesy  
Entangled me permanently

**I could have been anyone.**

Claimed and acclaimed for _simply being there_

Mad plans danced in his head  
Impractical, he, intractable

No one thing, no person  
Should contain so much happy mad babble

So little sense.

Why I obliged  
Is walled off, another country of my heart.

But I did oblige with time I did not have  
To be his tour guide, his minder

Somehow caught, not the god-friend-lover  
Someone other, other than me.

Sometimes I think I became more than  
More than I was made to be - his dream of me maybe

More often upon reflection I see

A ghost wearing my clothes, chasing hope  
Where I should be standing is his invisible architect.

I am the blurred photograph, the footnote  
Cold, cutting, kind, whatever suits the day’s dream

And still at the time

I knew I might wake, took pains and pills to stay  
In his world I fight to keep sleep at bay

Too many impossibilities to tend  
Too many finances to mend

He has dreams to build and so I build them  
Guide him, bind him to the ground

Long enough for compromise  
To find some praise in the edges of his eyes

But his gaze was almost always up or through  
Despite the uncanny, intermittent prize of insight

His soul-gazing.

**I am not a shadow king  
In the end, I kissed the ring.**

**Author's Note:**

> His notebooks were gone, and so was he.


End file.
